Excerpt from Village News

Gamekeepers fight Pizza-Maker with garden sheers and expert wit. Pizza Maker burned.

Reports came flying into local police as the Capulet’s Gamekeepers fought a worker from Fredo’s pizzeria, earlier today. Abraham, a pizza-maker at the establishment, was heard to ask Sampson and Balthasar if they bit their thumbs at him. Indeed, after a brief consultation, the men agreed that they bit their thumbs but at no one in particular.

Abraham, tired from a long shift, brandished a tomato sauce scoop at the two men, splattering them with red sauce. The two men, enraged, ran at Abraham but were stopped short by Benvolio, a relative of Fredo. It was unclear whether Benvolio was adding to the fray or trying to disperse it.

In the confusion, hot-tempered Tybalt swaggered out in his expensive, working-class uniform. His new line will be out later this year; his fashion label is funded by his uncle, Lord Capulet. Tybalt, swathed in luxurious fabrics made to look dirty and old, entered the fray and gave all, except the Gamekeepers, wounds for their efforts.

As the townspeople gathered to watch, they shouted angrily that the Montagues and Capulets were once again fighting. Prince, in a shockingly purple suit, entered onto the scene as Fredo yelled out from his rooms above the pizzeria. Prince had his clipboard out and, at once, began distributing tickets against those who had committed by-law offences. He summoned Fredo and Lord Capulet, who later arrived on the scene, to separate meetings to reprimand the men for bringing their feud to the streets.

Fredo was heard yelling out to Benvolio asking where his son was; Fredo was seen wearing naught but high-waisted pants and a thin-strapped undershirt. Perhaps Tybalt’s fashion line should borrow that look?


(#4 Romeo and Juliet)


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